A Walk in the Rain
The sky looked like it was in agony- dark, gloomy and so life less, much like me. It was raining heavily, probably the rainiest day of the year but I was still walking aimlessly in that downpour. I had no idea where I was going or better yet why was I soaking myself in the wretched weather. My scalp felt like it was being used as a piano by the rain drops- I could hear them vibrating against my ear drums. My eye lids felt heavy with the fat droplets sticking to my lashes. My clothes felt like a second skin- sticky and dirty. My hair fell lose on my back-dripping water reminding me of a horror movie and I felt a sudden urge to rip it out of my skull. Everything burned despite the cool drops of water splashing on my skin. It wasn’t enough. The water wasn’t enough to douse the flames in which my body was currently burning. My body hummed with the need to be washed, to be cleaned of everything that has transpired in last few hours of my life. I hugged myself tightly- my nails digging into my own flesh and my eyes fixed on something that doesn’t even exist.
I was walking like it was a bright sunny day- perfect to take a stroll and bask in the sunlight. Everyone else on the other hand was running, trying to look for a shelter, scrolling their phones while waiting for their drive and me? I was watching them while keeping a safe distance. I dreaded the company of anyone right now, the chatter of a few bystanders, their gossips were creating a sick feeling in my stomach. I hated them. I hated everyone but mostly I hated myself. I hated myself for not being strong enough, for being so naïve. I looked up at the sky and wondered if the impending storm was stronger than the one I suffered, I wondered if it was going to cause a similar damage to the very street I was walking on. Will this storm tear down the shops on this street like it did to my pride? Will it be enough to kill the laughter that has adored these streets for so long? Will it be enough to suck out the life that the bystanders have even after the long day of work? I almost snort at that thought. Of course it won’t. Then why do I feel like I am a hollow shell for a human body. Why can’t I pull myself together? It wasn’t my fault then why am I the one who has to face the prying eyes everyday? I didn’t ask for it. Not everything is capable of withstanding a hurricane, I wasn’t.
I look up at the dark sky silently praying for it to turn me into ashes with a lightning strike. My tears have stopped coming or maybe it is the rain but my eyes are still burning and I can smell the salty tears somewhere pushing the tear glands, daring it. Nothing can change what has happened to me, those who wronged me will never get the treatment they deserve, but I will have to survive in shame and guilt for as long I live.
I pause at the end of the curve contemplating a terrible thought but one that was left unfinished. I look up at the sky again. It is as if I’m looking for something there. Surprisingly I find a sliver of light poking its little head out through the cracks in the clouds. The rain hasn’t stopped yet but I feel a strange warmth engulfing like a warm hug. I let myself lose in it. The rain no longer feels like a sting on my bruised skin. The scent of the rain mixed with the thin rays of golden sunlight feels like ointment on the burns- cool yet healing. This time when I look up at the sky, I close my eyes and let the drops of water trickle down my skin and I realize that even though I have been pushed to the darkness and left all alone, there is always going to be a sliver of hope pushing through the fake walls of loneliness. Hope comes in many forms, in my case it was showered on me in the form of a rain.