You fight the same battles everyday.
Struggling to be heard, to be acknowledged. To stand so firm that when they try to push you aside their fingers bend and break. To try and help them see what you see, feel what you feel. Some battles are longer than others, some more gruesome.
Ripped clothes and bloodshed, barbed words, vicious punches , screams that tear open your throat. Eyes glistening with rage and pain. Hurt, sorrow, loss, helplessness. A silent cry begging someone, anyone, to make it stop. To make them understand.
We’re humans too.
Society sucks, I’ll be real. It’s one of the most toxic environments to live in, especially if you don’t follow the norm. Think outside the box and you’re eccentric. Study Arts instead of Medicine and you’re stupid. Fall in love with a boy when you’re a boy, and it’s pandemonium. Chaos. Noise. Rejection.
Suddenly that’s all you are, you’re not normal. They tie you to the pole that is your sexuality, your gender and beat you mercilessly, trying to mold you back into what’s normal. To bring about changes inside you. It’s a disease, a disorder, a phase. That baba can cure you, go see him. Pray to God and ask him for forgiveness because you’ve clearly sinned in your last life.
But whatever you do, don’t be yourself.
I know it’s hard. I can imagine it’s terrifying even. To grow up and realize that you’re attracted to a man despite being one yourself, to realize that you’re a woman by body but that’s not who you are. To realize your feelings and your soul is different, something askew, unlike the millions surrounding you. Change terrifies humans. We either run away from what we do not understand, or try to eradicate it.
Sadly, they’re trying to eradicate you. But I see it. The weight of feeling like you’ve let your family down because oh the look on your father’s face when you came clean. The crushing feeling of a heavy heart as you secretly lock eyes with your love across the room, knowing your feelings can’t be acted on because they say it’s unnatural. Stuck in a body that screams one thing with a soul that screams another, and being oppressed instead of celebrated for the beauty that you are. The burdens of these long drawn out battles are visible in your eyes; frustration, helplessness but fierce will to keep trying and trying until you break the chains.
But I want to tell you, you’re not alone.
I may not know what it’s like, I can only imagine. I may not be able to fully comprehend the magnitude of your struggles but I am trying. I try harder each day because I believe in humanity, that all of us are humans, that we cannot be confined by our sexuality, instead we should be liberated by it. You are not alone.
We all fight battles everyday, each one of a different flavour. Each one equally important. When I stand up for you at family gatherings and shut that nasty old homophobic uncle up, I’m looked down upon too. When I cheer you on to act on your feelings for someone your own gender, I’m stared at. The whispers that follow you begin to follow me too but I don’t care. When they strike us hard, we will strike back harder. We will stand firmer. I’ll be your biggest support, your largest shield, even the shoulder you can cry on without feeling weak. You are not alone in this battle. For I believe we are all humans first, and we do not harm our own. We stand by them.
And boy, am I proud of you for being proud of who you are.