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All of us, growing up, have watched TV shows. In the earlier days of our life, when we were around 4-10 years old, we were more fixated on the Hindi television shows. Remember them? Sure you do. Your mom fixated on their daily lives harder than you do the floss when you win at Fortnite.

Welcome to our ongoing series appropriately titled Subtle Curry Traits where we bash on our Indian Daily soaps and try to analyze their impact on Indian Zeitgeist, and of course have a little fun along the way….

Growing up, we used to sit down with our grandparents and parents, eyes-glued to that massive cube of a TV and watch shows that were nothing like our daily lives. If you think about it now, I never understood why my elders watched these shows. They were filled with larceny, emotional turmoil, sketchy characters, plotting and mental torture. No matter how menial or small-scaled they were, on a young mind, curious for knowledge, they were very impactful.

We never asked them these questions until when we made it to junior high and realized that every new TV show is just a hash-out of that last show we watched around 3 years ago. “Why do you guys watch these shows? They are so negative!” would be our go-to line. And the answer was always, a snide silence, a ruthless thrashing or the more profound – “They teach you morals and values of Indian lifestyles. How else are you ever going to learn the Indian way?”

What exactly am I learning here? Why should the bride face so much prejudice from her in-laws?

“Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi”  Because the Bahu, before ever becoming a Saas – the Jedi of Sharma family, keeper of the keys and the receiver of the highest honor, needs to go through rigorous mental and sometimes even physical training. Like falling down a flight of stairs, after *Not* accidentally *Nah* being pushed by the sister-in-law.

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Why can’t we put our financial status aside and let love take the higher stand?

Woh Rehne Waali Mehlon ki” of course a roadside-non-engineer-non-NRI-non-Medical chap is not fit for our daughter no matter how much he loves her or cares for her. She’ll go to that misogynistic asshole because he has a fucking Ph.D. from the fucking US of A.

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Holy shit, why am I watching this mass female infanticide?

”Na Aana Iss Des Meri Laado” we can’t pay for her education, we can’t pay for her dreams, and more accurately, we can’t pay for her dowry!

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I have a word file filled with more of these few TV shows that can give you a mind-fuck that’ll last all semester. I pinkie-promise. Besides I’m sure y’all know Pewds. No? Well go online and look up PewDiePie and his ‘Indian Drama’ video. That’s basically the gist of what I’m trying to pressurize here. He has captured everything that’s TOO MUCH for normal people. (I will also agree that he’s an idiot but hey, more people listen to Taylor Swift so who’s the bigger idiot?)

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Even for someone like him.

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The graphic editing and the recurring special effects definitely smells like a guy high on pot, locked in a room.  I remember looking at the entry of the mastermind character for 25 minutes. All they did was take different angles while hiding the face and of course with the mandatory special effects.

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Also, by the way, there’s a lot to learn from these shows. Next time you have a sibling face-off and you rub them in the dirt, don’t drink your tea or eat your food before sending it over to the pathogen labs for drug/poison tests. Just to be on the safer side. Who knows? Maybe they watched that show too and got creative. That’s one thing to learn                    *The Sarcasm is strong with this plot-line*

What else? Don’t try to throw your brother off the roof because he got your toy when it was your play time. It’s too obvious. Throw some water around the balcony and lure him into running around. Job well-done.                                  *I’m basically spoon-feeding you now.*

And remember the last time when your mother scolded your domestic help? HE/SHE WILL NOT BURN THE HOUSE. And if in fact, your house is on fire, you know who to look for. NOT THE MAID, call the damn fire-fighters.

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Regardless of how moot this advice may sound, with the development of technology and science; somewhere, somehow we have adopted the western lifestyle. The only thing that truly unites us Indians are these shows. You get to sit with your family even if it means to watch a twisted-TV show. You bond sub-consciously with these shows, and somewhere deep down, they keep your “culture” fired up.